Breaking the Cycle: Addressing Toxic Manager-Subordinate Dynamics

In the world of work, the manager-subordinate relationship is one of the most critical to your professional success—and your mental well-being. When that relationship is healthy, it can inspire growth, collaboration, and a sense of purpose. But when it’s toxic, it can feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of frustration, fear, and self-doubt.

I know this all too well because I’ve lived it. In my book, It’s Me, Not You: How I Survived Toxic Work Environments, I share a story about working under a manager who seemed determined to keep me in a state of emotional turmoil.

At first, I thought the issues between us were purely professional. But as time went on, I noticed a troubling pattern. My manager often took credit for my hard work while blaming me for their own mistakes. Feedback sessions felt more like personal attacks than constructive conversations. And when I tried to voice concerns or propose solutions, I was dismissed or belittled.

One meeting stands out vividly in my memory. I had spent weeks preparing a project presentation, pouring my heart into every detail. As I spoke, my manager interrupted me repeatedly, criticized minor details, and ultimately took over the discussion as if the project had been their idea. I left that room feeling humiliated, disempowered, and deeply questioning my career path.

But here’s what I learned: the cycle of toxic manager-subordinate dynamics isn’t inevitable. And while you can’t always change someone else’s behavior, you can take steps to protect your peace, reclaim your power, and break the cycle.

Understanding Toxic Dynamics

Toxic manager-subordinate dynamics often stem from a combination of poor leadership, organizational culture, and individual insecurities. Common traits of toxic managers include:

• Micromanaging instead of trusting their team.

• Taking credit for successes while deflecting blame for failures.

• Using fear, manipulation, or favoritism to maintain control.

• Failing to provide clear expectations, support, or growth opportunities.

For subordinates, these behaviors can lead to feelings of helplessness, burnout, and even physical health issues. But you don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle.

Breaking the Cycle

1. Recognize the Patterns The first step is awareness. Pay attention to how your manager’s behavior affects you and the team. Is the issue a one-off misunderstanding, or is it a consistent pattern?

2. Set Boundaries Toxic managers often thrive in environments with blurred lines. Be proactive about defining your responsibilities and limits. For instance, if you’re frequently asked to work after hours, have a direct conversation about workload expectations.

3. Document Everything Documentation is your best friend in toxic environments. Keep a record of key conversations, assignments, and decisions. This isn’t about being combative—it’s about creating transparency and protecting yourself if conflicts arise.

4. Build Your Support Network Toxic managers often isolate their team members, making it harder to find allies. Seek out mentors, trusted colleagues, or external networks where you can share experiences and gain perspective.

5. Know When to Move On Sometimes, breaking the cycle means making a tough decision to leave the environment altogether. Your well-being and professional growth should never be compromised by someone else’s toxicity.

Reclaiming Your Power

Looking back on my experience, I realize that while I couldn’t change my manager’s behavior, I could control how I responded to it. I started setting firmer boundaries, documenting my work, and focusing on building relationships with others in the organization who valued my contributions. Eventually, I made the decision to move on—and it was one of the best decisions for my career and mental health.

In It’s Me, Not You, I dive deeper into this story and share actionable strategies for navigating toxic workplaces. My hope is that my experiences can help others recognize their worth and take the steps needed to thrive, no matter the challenges they face.

Your Turn

Have you ever experienced a toxic manager-subordinate relationship? How did you navigate it? What lessons did you learn? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear from you.

And if you’re looking for more tools and insights to break the cycle, grab a copy of my book, It’s Me, Not You. Together, we can create healthier, more empowering workplaces for everyone.

Remember: You have the power to break the cycle and reclaim your career. Let’s start today.

For more insights and resources, follow me on YouTube @DrPJOnline or visit www.drpj.online.